Chloe Helps Mommy with Her Birthday Candles
Today is a little bittersweet. Not because I turn 31. My doctor's office had scheduled my pre-op appointments for this morning way back in May or June when my tests looked normal and they thought it looked promising that I would carry Gavin full term. I was scheduled for a c-section on Friday.
The woman at the office realized that a half day at the hospital might not be how I wanted to spend my birthday, and she had offered to move the appointment to Thursday. I told her to leave it.
I had secretly treasured the idea of celebrating following in my friend Wendy's footsteps and having an issue-free second pregnancy after a challenging first due to pre-eclampsia and HELLP Syndrome. I had even looked forward to going out to dinner at Scalini's to celebrate the day and to order their famous labor-inducing eggplant parmesan. Josh and I started planning our date night months ago.
I have a whole lot to be grateful for, but I'm still mourning the loss of a "normal" pregnancy and delivery. I think I'll heal from that faster this time around, but processing the inability to ever be pregnant again is still a bit of a challenge.
I didn't lose the day to the hospital. Instead I struggled to bottle feed a 6lb baby that still can't quite get it together. But he is home and healthy, even if he was still scheduled to be in my belly for another 2 days.
I can't explain it, but we still went through with our plans to go to Scalini's tonight. I was at a loss for any other dining option. It was a little unnerving to walk in and see the wall of gigantic full-term babies whose mothers had come there desperate for any promise to relieve them from carrying any longer.
I had a good time there with my family including my mom, sister, and brother-in-law. Gavin even drank his bottle - with a lot of coaxing from Daddy. I had the lasagna.
Lena